suffering much
rozova
the exact description of this blog, lol
Fuckfuckfuck.
Everything sucks.
Badbadbad.
I'm so tired.
Sad.
Crying.

Oh, I'm fine, look at me, I'm cool, I'm strong, I'm moving on.

Ah, no, I'm not. Sorry, my mistake.
Hello, darkness, my old friend.
rozova
"super only friend" my ass
I think I know what's wrong with me. It's that feeling, the realization that… Well, I'm not a priority anymore. Simple as that.
rozova
all black zebra
So, how long does bad luck usually lasts? When do I get to jump to a next page?
rozova
am I that stupid?
Think about it, jeez!
Why do you keep tormenting yourself and cry your eyes out. I hope that's PMS, but you know it's not only that.
It's never gonna go away that way. Or heal.
It was so silly of you to think that the change of scenery and activities on itself is going to help. Nothing is gonna make you stop hurting except you.
So start acting like an adult. Make the right choices. Like you did once already. You did make a right one and you know it. So make some more.
And when you do - once you do! - stick to it.
rozova
I hate myself during PMS.
rozova

Madilyn Bailey – Scars (Papa Roach cover)

I've always cared too much. About everything. But this song in particular is connected to a hard period of my life (I think it was May of 2016.)
The period when I was trying to mend the heart of the man I loved. I was trying to help him get over a girl he kept loving even when he started dating me. And it was painful. And I wanted to end it. He was driving me crazy. And the fact that I couldn't help him made me feel so powerless and useless.
"I can't help you fix yourself,
But at least I can say I tried".
And I did try. Very hard. "I'm sorry, but I gotta move on with my own life". And I so desperately wanna move on. I'm trying really hard.
But I still care too much and it's very painful. Sometimes I just wanna be a cold-hearted bitch.

rozova
I am the pain.
rozova
Please, let me go.
rozova
can't even move out properly
Oh, c'mon, universe! What have I done? Why can't things ever go my way?
I'm so tired of hoping and never actually getting anything.
Just tired.
rozova
sick
I need a therapist or something.
rozova
very much sucks
I am deep.
Me, hey, hello, I'm here. Pull me out.
rozova
all over again
Oh, that's just great!
Yeah, let's start this shit all over, you being a selfish bastard, me being a little selfish victim.
Fucking hate it.
You know I hurt.
And yet you do stuff, just "cause you shouldn't".
I know I shouldn't. But it's fucking how it is.

The funny part is, I still don't hate.
rozova
and how do I figure that out?
I either stopped feeling this void inside me or got used to it. Not quite sure…
rozova
simple as that
I JUST WANT NOT TO CARE!
rozova
never wanted this Santa Barbara in my life
When you do your best, but still wanna cry at any moment of the day. And sometimes do, not even yourself knowing the clear reason.
And it's not like something extraordinary happened.
I guess I'm just… tired. And maybe lonely. But mostly morally exhausted.
I need some rest. And peace.
Wanna take a break from everything and just go to another city or even country. Forget about all my troubles for a week. Relax. Gain some strength.

Seas and forests of the world, come to me. Since I can't come to you.